Many couples go into couple counseling with the mindset that it is a guaranteed cure for all their problems. They invest all their hope for the relationship with an objective third party who is supposed to somehow turn things around for them one hour a week. Yet, many of them will continue on to a divorce. The good news is others will get exactly what they are seeking.
So, what makes the difference here? Why are some couples able to work through their issues and return to a happy marital state while others simply fall apart no matter what steps are taken?
Many people assume the difference is just in how complicated or hard the issues being dealt with are, but this is in fact untrue. Even the most severe problems have been resolved through therapy.
The correct answer is that couples who are able to pull through together are the ones that take their sessions and turn it into action at home. Here are some things to consider if you want to improve your chances of making your marriage work through counseling.
First, you have to be open to really listening to what your spouse has to say, even if it hurts. If you go into defensive mode and are just thinking about what to say to prove they are wrong, then you are not really listening. Stop thinking and just listen.
The second step is to speak honestly and from your heart without holding back. Even if what you say might hurt your spouse, you have to get out what is hurting and hindering you in the marriage. Hopefully they will give you the same respect and listen as you did to them.
The third step involves a mutual effort. You have to get past blaming one another for everything and fighting over things that do not even matter. Get past the petty fights you have had over and over for the past years and get down to the root issues that are fueling all the fighting. Those will be what needs fixed.
If you can do those things and go into each session with the right attitude than chances are high your spouse will follow suit and the real issues can be discovered. Then, you have to really do something about those issues outside of the sessions.
For couple counseling to work in your favor you have to stop worrying about being right and protecting yourself and be vulnerable to the issues that are really hurting you. That is the only way.
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